What’s that smell in the air? Is the crispness of fall? Or is it the trays of rectangular government-issue pizza being loaded into industrial ovens?  Few arenas of school life are as rife with drama as the cafeteria, and no one does his or her time there without coming out with a few war stories. Like the time I gagged on a hamburger, puked on myself and then plowed into a very elderly and startled-looking first grade teacher. Or the time Dave found a slimy brown mutant apple hiding inside his apple, turning all of us off fresh fruit for weeks. Or the time Maureen thought she had lost her tooth in a can of Vienna sausages and then thrown it away. (She hadn’t.)

We’re asking you to share with us your most hilarious or harrowing stories from the front lines of the lunchroom. Tales from any grade level or perspective (yes, teachers, that means you) are welcome. We’ll pick our favorites and share them on the blog next week. In addition to fame and accolades, one lucky grand prize winner will receive a special treat in the mail from us.

Submit your stories to submissions@pitchknives.com before the deadline of midnight on Saturday, September 14. Hoist high your brown bag, and let the lunch meat fly!