Andrew took this photo. We busted out and used chopped cashews and almonds in place of peanuts. Then we destroyed them.
One of my favorite things in the world is Indian food. I fervently hope that when America stumbles off the World Power pedestal India is there to step up and thus spread its fine, fine cuisine all across the globe. Of course, I suppose that’s already happening, and if you don’t need to be a superpower, why solicit the headache and guilty conscience? So maybe India can just keep working what seems to be working. India, you are badass! Your food is way better than China’s!! Gastronomic superpower status is yours for the taking!!! That’s the idea.
Amongst the grub that confers that badass status is what Shannon calls “Indian savory snacks,” which pretty much consists of something friable fried very, very deeply and smothered in various combinations of mouthwatering spices. The best we have found is not a savory snack you buy in a package, however, but one you can make easily at home, and one you don’t need to fry the hell out of either. Witness: masala peanuts.
We were introduced to masala peanuts by the writer Saloni Meghani in Calcutta (or Kolkata, if that’s your political persuasion). They are apparently widely gnoshed bar food. I have spend many, many hours – possibly years – in bars, and I can say with complete confidence that every single minute of that time would have been enhanced greatly with masala peanuts at my side. And it’s not just me. My brother reeled when I introduced them to him. He stuffed soup spoonfuls-worth into his maw. Now, pretty much whenever I visit him, we make a massive batch. It rarely lasts beyond that evening, even if we make pounds. It is not unheard of to stand in the fridge in one’s underwear in the middle of the night or in PJs the morning after and continue to crush these nuts. The Leahey family has written songs about these nuts. If the Israelites had masala peanuts instead of manna, they would have commanded all of Canaan in four years instead of forty. The Yahweh of the Old Testament would have been a benevolent rather than jealous god. The planet could have been a completely different place. That’s how momentous this shit is.
Masala peanuts are spicy, flavorful, crunchy, and tangy. I am sure there are other variants, but the version below is the one Saloni introduced to us in a Gujarati club. They require fifteen minutes cooking time and a handful of ingredients. Do yourself and the world a favor and make this immediately:
Ingredients:
- 1 lb raw, shelled peanuts
- 1 large red onion
- 1 red chili pepper (or dried chili powder)
- 6 or 7 cloves of garlic
- 1 bunch of cilantro
- juice of one large lemon
- oil
- chaat masala
Crush the garlic, finely dice the pepper, and put them over medium-low heat in enough oil to completely coat the peanuts.
While the oil is being infused, finely chop the onion and the cilantro.
Once the oil has been infused, turn the heat to medium, pour in the peanuts, and stir around until they are completely coated. Then stir in the onion and the chaat masala. the chaat is, I believe, at least somewhat available in grocery stores these days. Ask your grocer. You should always have chaat masala on hand because it is what Almighty Salt would taste like in a perfect world. Because it’s so salty, though, you’ll want to stir it into the nuts to suit your own taste. I’d put a few tablespoons in, stir it around around, and then taste, adding more if necessary.
Once the onions are just shy of getting soft, stir in the cilantro. Stir on the stove for another minute.
Remove the nuts from the heat and stir in the lemon juice.
Stuff your face.
Or, if you want to be proper about it, let the nuts cool. They’re tastiest when room temperature or a little chilled, particularly if they’ve sat overnight.
But my powers of self-control are not what they might be. Yours might not prove to be either.