Come, Pip, and try the tarte tatin!

The New York Times launched a wacky technical innovation this past week. No, I am not talking about Google Cardboard, that strange little virtual reality contraption that caused Jason to comment, “This story is really sad. Also, my phone screen is really dirty.” I am talking about the Thanksgiving Meal Planner or, as I prefer to call it, the Thanks-O-Matic.

Here’s the way it works: you adjust little sliders at the side of the screen to set variables like number of people attending, how traditional you want the meal to be, how early you’re willing to start the prep work, etc., and then—boom!—the Times shuffles up sixteen recipes in four categories that will meet your needs. You can actually see the recipes flipping and changing as you drag the sliders right or left.

If this sounds a little cheesy, it’s because…it is. Also, I find it almost irresistibly hypnotizing. Of course I started out with a scenario that was somewhere close to accurate, but then I started meddling endlessly with the controls to see what recipes would come up. Just one notch to the right on the experience slider gets you individual Corn Puddings Stuffed with Greens instead of macaroni and cheese! I think I kept doing this until I saw pretty much every possible recipe on offer. I know what you’re thinking: if I was going to look at every recipe anyway, wouldn’t it make more sense to look at them in a list? Au contraire, mon ami! I think there’s something else at work here.

When I was younger and would get restless while traveling, particularly in airports, my mom and I would play a game called “Where Are They Going?” in which we’d make up stories for everyone around us. Like: “Ooh, that lady is irritated with her husband because he forgot to pack the dental floss, so she’s digging in her purse, pretending that she’s looking for floss, but actually looking for photos of her long-haired dachshund Shasta because they make her forget that she’s afraid of flying. They’re going to California for their son’s wedding, and all of the future in-laws have perfect teeth, which is why she’s mad about the dental floss…” etc., etc., etc. Sometimes I still play an adult version of this game while sitting in doctors’ waiting rooms called, “What’s the Matter with That Person?” Try it; I swear it makes the time fly by.

The Thanks-O-Matic, at least for me, has that same allure of peering into other people’s lives, even if it’s only for a second, even if it’s totally fabricated. What would I make for dinner if there were eighteen people coming, I had no cooking experience and I didn’t eat dairy? The answer, apparently, is Porcini Bread Stuffing and Maple Whipped Sweet Potatoes. What about if there were only two of us and I had a boatload of time on my hands? This Thanksgiving Miss Havisham would have Creamed Red and White Pearl Onions, naturally, and a Tarte Tatin for dessert. Silly, I know. But isn’t this what Thanksgiving is really supposed to be about? Imagining a single day in which an entire nation of people is joined together in the same activities despite our wildly divergent tastes and circumstances?

If you want to know if the recipes are any good—a) you have sort of missed the point of this post and b) they are. This Kale, Fennel and Rice Gratin shuffled up, and I tried it last night. Jason thought it was delicious. And he didn’t even know that it was recommended for a veteran cook with an eye toward tradition and a long-haired dachshund named Shasta.