Four hours and, like, 50 samples later...

There is always a time-lapse between the beginning of a beer festival and the point when people react to my T-shirt; that is, people have to have enough samples in their bellies before they’re willing to point at my chest and say, “Huh. That’s funny.” The shirt appears to be designed after an Arm & Hammer box, but instead of the usual logo the arm holds a gun and the seal reads, “Armed & Hammered.” In that I have arms, by this late point in the afternoon at the beer festival my T-shirt had a perfectly truthful statement. And yes, those are two unhappily sober policemen behind me, perhaps wishing we weren’t all so goddamn goofy and nonviolent.

"I'm a Cleveland Fan"

Last Saturday I went to what was billed as the World Beer Festival, though in reality it was primarily US breweries, heavy on the Ohio-end of things. But that’s fine by me, given that Ohio makes some pretty rockin’ beer.  It took place on the harbor in Cleveland under tents, inside a huge open warehouse, and beneath a brilliantly blue sky. Its proximity to the lake made it easily the coolest location I’d ever been to for a beer fest. The first funny T-shirt — spotted walking in before we even arrived at the entrance — epitomized the city and its love/hate relationship with sports and its reputation for rampant alcoholism. I laughed, but maybe just because I’m an Ohioan. (Click on the images to see them larger.)

Everything's better in stick figure

This is the next funny shirt I saw, while standing behind the guy in line for the ever-amazing Rockmill Brewery stand. I hadn’t had enough beer yet to tell him I thought it was funny, so Ben and I snickered behind his back and snuck a picture while he pretended not to notice us. If it had been later in the day I would have said “HA!” and pointed, but as it was I thought I should probably be feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

And proud of it, my friend

Though it’s difficult to see, the man pulling beer in the picture above is wearing a hat with this same logo. What is it exactly and WHY have I not been invited?! The Society of Northeast Ohio Brewers is the gang I never knew I always wanted to be in. The guy in this shirt (which is a high-quality, embroidered bowler shirt, btw) was sufficiently distant towards me to make me think I really, really wanted to be his friend.

Truth in advertising

This guy (and there were SO many guys. Ladies where were you? Perhaps you were there and just not wearing funny shirts so I didn’t notice you. If you do go, I advise wearing one as opposed to a cute sundress: seriously get way more attention) did not say much either, but the lady with him assured us he lived up to his sartorial statement.

I second!

This one pretty much summed up the feeling out on the harbor that afternoon. Fun fact: the first beer I drank while underage in a bar was Red Stripe. I sniffed the open bottle and the dude who’d suggested it scoffed: “Girls! They always sniff it. Smells like beer.” Perhaps true in this case, but it was a hell of an advertising campaign.

No way! Me too!

I spotted this guy while staring daggers at his friend whose T-shirt read “Game Over” and had the icon of a bride with a groom who had a ball and chain on his leg. (I suspect his game never started and questioned whether he even had any game to begin with.) But this one I loved, feeling pretty awesome at that point, myself. Shortly after this my dad bought us all cigars and then challenged Ben to steal a bottle from a booth, which of course he did — turned out to be gluten free: game over.

By last call at 5pm I think the policemen were just happy no one had fallen into the lake…yet. But beer fest goers are a happy bunch, and I was feeling a lot of this beery, Ohio love as we walked toward the exit gate and passed this woman. I almost gave her a hug. I love Ohio, too! And your T-shirt! And BEER!