Celebrate true love
Happy Valentine’s Day Eve, everybody! I intended to review chocolate beers today and was eagerly anticipating Southern Tier’s Choklat, Heavy Seas’ Siren Noire, and Brooklyn’s Black Chocolate Stout. But there were none to be found at the beer store this weekend! Apparently all the people who like to drink their way through the holiday have good taste in beer. Fortunately another related theme quickly appeared. In the same way Christmas is not really all about giving, Valentine’s Day is not really all about heart-shaped truffles.
Doggie Style Pale Ale, Flying Dog Brewery, 5.5%
Initially we’d grabbed some of Flying Dog’s Raging Bitch, but then discovered this even more appropriately-named brew. It’s an English style pale ale, and therefore more bitter than I am used to; it reminds me of an ESB. There has to be some joke about being bitter and bent over, and Ben and I struggle to be the first to make it. No one wins.
B: It starts out fun but has a harrumph of a finish.
L: A harrumph?
B: There’s a sour downturn. Overall unsatisfying.
L: Don’t try too hard.
B: …Yeah, I’m going to sprain something.
At one point Ben actually says “If you close your eyes and sip it you could imagine it as the best Bud ever. This really could be much worse” Oof. We each finish our halves without serious injury, but were both left wishing we’d grabbed the Bitch after all.
Lucky U IPA, Breckenridge Brewery, 6.2%
We are both encouraged by this IPA’s brilliant orange color, but immediately disappointed by the taste. As I learned the hard way, handsome things are not necessarily worth your time. Though it’s not a bad beer, it’s not one I’d ask out for a second date. Ben scoffs at its lackluster hop presence,
B: Sure ain’t Cascade hops.
L: [Googling] Yes it is.
B: Well, it doesn’t have the bold fresh chaos that is a bouquet of hops.
I can’t argue with this–it is too malty–so instead we argue about the definition of “skunky.” It quickly becomes apparent just how different our priorities were in high school.
Old Leghumper, Thirsty Dog Brewing Co., 6.7%
This porter pours like an oil slick, and is smooth going down. (I’ll leave the jokes about no head to the reader.) It’s a harmonious blend of hops and roasty malts. This is a beer that inspires sonnets. Ben is still trying hard to tie this all together, though: “This is a no frills, no foreplay, straight up good beer.” Then he looks at me and does that head down, beer up cheers to let me know it’s really time to eat dinner.
Horny Goat, Elevator Brewery Co., 7.5%
The brewers admit that they barrel-age this porter for three months, giving each barrel a hug once a day. Surprisingly romantic for a beer with the image of a goat molesting a bottle on the label. I find myself considerably drunker after just sniffing this beer, which smells like nothing more than vanilla flavored bourbon. This is essentially how it tastes, too. Ben and I sip on it as one would a snifter of brandy. Comes on a little strong, you could say. It’s quite forward. It has cornered me by the bathrooms and I have to lean backwards to keep its hot, liquored breath off my face. Is our dinner ready?
Pear Cider, Original Sin
I’m drinking a little out of my league here with cider. I try to keep an open mind and taste it because the company has a great name. I’ve gone on dates with less of a reason. (Who could turn down a Liam?) The pear cider looks like white wine and has a similar balance of dry and sweet that a good pinot grigio has. Ben says, “I could drink a whole glass of this.” What more can you ask of a non-beer?
My Bloody Valentine, AleSmith Brewing Co., 6.66%
A cousin of AleSmith’s seasonal, Evil Dead Red, My Bloody Valentine pours a deep, dark red–bloody, indeed. These red relatives both have an ABV of 6.66%, and while the sign of the Devil is not usually auspicious for a date, this one is really good looking. Our most appropriately named brew ends up being the favorite of the night. Certainly the fact that it came last of six alcoholic beverages had no bearing on our opinion. This is a solid amber with good hop flavor. “High flavor to funny name coefficient,” Ben declares. We decide that, of all we tried, this is the most well-balanced–a good companion for the holiday.
What will you be drinking this Valentine’s Day?