Proof that I baked a pie! And that it bubbled over.

I can cook, at least at a level at which I can be reasonably confident of eating and enjoying the result, but I can’t boast the same self-assuredness about baking. A friend and co-worker recently asked me to bake something for the Havemeyer Sugar Sweet Festival (more about this awesome upcoming fundraiser in future posts) and blanching, I realized that, food blogger or no, I don’t know how to bake a damn thing.*

So this fall and winter, I’m going to try to teach myself to bake, and you will have the pleasure of watching all my mistakes. I considered doing a “Julie and Julia” sort of thing in which I try to go through all of the recipes in the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook that my mom gave me when I moved out of the house more than a decade ago, but there are like four or five whole sections in there filled with just baked goods, and really, who has the time? At any rate, I figured that whether I was seeking the alphabetical or philosophical beginning of any dessert list, apple pie would appear near the top. Besides, we had a lot of apples in the fridge.

I came home with the ingredients for a Dutch apple pie and felt sort of ashamedly intimidated and decided to nap for a little while. Finally, though, screwing up my courage, I embarked on a crust. I had forgotten to buy shortening (doh!), so I used butter, and I also don’t have a pastry cutter, so I used a fork. Let’s just say that this was not ideal, and it was not the most beautiful piecrust in the history of piecrusts. But from there, the process got easier, maybe because I decided to start drinking beer while I peeled the apples. By the time the whole thing was assembled, it looked, if not impressively perfect, at least substantial. I had also made a colossal mess and used up a ridiculous amount of time. Apple pie, unlike Rome, can be built in a day, but if I’m the one constructing it, there better not be too much else going on.

I was going to re-type the recipe here, but why bother, with the magic of the Internet? Here it is, basically, though I used no cheddar cheese, nor milk. Also I used a crumb topping of ½ cup flour, ½ cup brown sugar and 3 T. butter instead of the double crust since, as a beginner, I am still suffering from bad crust-esteem.

The results? It has been baking as I type this and the smell wafting into the room made me optimistic. Then I noticed that I had set the timer incorrectly and it had been in the oven for ten minutes longer than it should have been. Miraculously, the crust does not look burnt, though it did bubble over a little in the oven, ensuring a noxious smell for many future uses. Ah, well. At least it looks edible, don’t you think? And as long as I’m keeping expectations suitably low, I think that I can consider this first step in the baking odyssey a success.

Tell us about your own baking adventures at submissions@pitchknives.com.

*It is most certainly not because I don’t like baked goods. I once suggested to a boss of mine that any good weight loss program should include dessert, because how else is your body supposed to know that it’s time to stop eating? I still think there is a sort of logic to this philosophy, but I have stopped mentioning it to anyone who has ever been on a serious diet for fear that I will get punched in the face.