Be a Sour Puss: the Argument for Puckering Up

Posted on May 28, 2014 by Llalan

Yup. It’s sour. What about it?!

Pucker up, my friends! Today we look at sour beers, simply because I was recently involved in a conversation that, itself, turned sour. I was engaged in a bitter pissing contest with a total stranger who thought he knew more about beer than I do. We started off on the wrong foot when he suggested to me hangover remedies. (Bitch, please.) Matters escalated as we one-upped each other nastily until he asked with a challenge in his voice, “Well, have you ever had a sour beer?” I answered that I had and I quite liked them and I just tried several at the Jolly Pumpkin in Ann Arbor thank you very much. Then I stopped listening.

Sour beers do live up to their name, and some consider them an acquired taste. I hasten to mention that one needn’t be a sour puss to enjoy this style, in fact it helps if you maintain inner reserves of sweetness; but if you don’t at least try one, I will call you a sour pussy.

Sour beer is an old tradition, begun in Europe back before brewers and consumers were so nitpicky about having unknown variables floating in their brews. The sour flavor comes from the wild yeasts used to ferment the batches as well as live bacteria. Wild yeasts being the unpredictable beasts they are, brewing sour beer can be a challenge, but when it’s done right it’s a delightful mix of untamed tastes and solid chemistry. So good I wouldn’t even waste it by tossing it in that little pucker’s face. Continue reading →

Smitten with the Mitten: the Beers of Ann Arbor, Michigan

Posted on May 14, 2014 by Llalan

I Mitten You!

As many of you already know, some sectors of the Ohio population love to hate Michigan. And it’s not just OSU alums against Wolverines; it’s everything. They hate all Michigan sports teams, Michiganders in general, American-made cars, Motown, and the way Michigan is shaped like a cute little mitten. I think what we all can agree on, though, is that they make a damn fine beer.

Who has the energy for this?!

Last weekend I went with my husband and my parents to Ann Arbor (home of dreaded U of M) to celebrate my father’s birthday. Needless to say this involved visiting EVERY brewery in the town we could get to. Because Ann Arbor is a college town and an especially cool one, at that, this involved a lot of drinking. For those of you not fortunate enough to go out drinking with my father on a semi-regular basis, during these outings he is remarkably both funnier and more embarrassing at the same time.

Ann Arbor is a beer town, and not just because there are nearly 44-thousand newly-legal drinkers there; rather, they have a population that is hip and well-off enough to support at least five microbreweries or brewpubs in the radius of a few blocks. Each of them has their own thing going: premium lagers, unique styles, hooting sorority girls, and more. The first one my father wheeled into specialized in farmhouse ales.

A damn fine beer

The Jolly Pumpkin was an encouragingly crowded, multi-leveled bar and restaurant with fancy-pants local and sustainable American food and spectacular farmhouse ales. Farmhouse is the style from which the Belgian saison originated. Saisons were traditionally brewed in the winter for summer consumption, but I’m here to tell you that farmhouse ales are year-round beers. Every good farmhouse I’ve had has been extremely complex: earthy, tart (sometimes quite a bit), and dry with just a little bitterness. Maybe there’s a reason we get along so well. I tried their flagship beer, the Bam Biere, which was delightfully sour and refreshing. Continue reading →

The Phoenix Rises: Proud and a Little Tipsy

Posted on April 16, 2014 by Llalan

Liquid Mansfield

Something wonderful has happened! Something amazing for my little Ohio town, in fact. Something that will bring people to the area and that will change people’s attitude toward our city. Something for all of us to be proud of. And yes, of course beer is involved: a brewery has opened in Mansfield!

Last Wednesday was a bright and giddy spring day. My skin was buzzing with the forgotten touch of sunshine and the promise of a good beer after work. At 5pm Ben and I took our tickets for the brewery’s soft opening and crossed the small brick parking lot that separates my bookstore from the dangerously close by brewery.

The Phoenix Brewing Company is located in a brick building built in 1914 that was originally a mortuary. Rather than ignore what could be taken as a morbid history, they have embraced it. When my sampler of their five beers arrived, it came on a coffin-shaped, wooden flight. The names of their beers, too, riff on the theme: Redemption IPA, Ferryman’s Stout, etc. (When they were first brainstorming names, “Embalming Fluid IPA” was bandied about. Apparently clearer heads and weaker stomachs prevailed.) Continue reading →

April is Beer Kicks Ass Month!

Posted on April 3, 2014 by Llalan

The Heart of it All!

As I’m sure you all know, April is National Pecan Month. Tuesday was April Fool’s Day, tomorrow is Tell a Lie Day–I’m sure there’s a story there–and most importantly, the first week in April is National Read a Road Map Week. This is all according to a highly reputable website built in, like, 1998 that also advertises garden equipment.

But this whole map thing got me to thinking…about beer, mostly. I recently found a map that identifies all 101 currently operating breweries in Ohio. Despite the fact that I have spent 24 of my 32 years somewhere in Ohio, I am pretty miserable with Ohio geography. In my dotterage I’ve begun to study the map to stop confusing Mt. Gilead with Mt. Vernon. It makes me happy in that same old person way in which I enjoy the way a glass of red wine looks sitting next to a crusty boule of bread. Imagining the possibilities. So when I saw 101 dots on my little heart-shaped state, I started imagining.

Vandalia, Middle Bass, Hide-A-Way Hills. Kelleys Island, Buckeye Lake, Catawba Island. Where are these places and why haven’t I been there yet? (Perhaps because the first 18 years of being an Ohioan were spent plotting an escape. I’ve since gotten a tattoo that says “If found, please return to Ohio.) I recently discovered that Catawba Island, a place at which many inlanders vacation, is not an island at all! Oh the mysteries you hold from me, my sweet Heart of It All! Continue reading →

Extreme Beer and the Cute Dudes Who Make It

Posted on March 19, 2014 by Llalan

Mr. Calagione and a sign made from toast. As usual, thinking outside the breadbox.

Sam Calagione is the president and founder of Dogfish Head, a brewery based in Delaware that is known for its “off-centered” ales, as they lovingly describe them. He is also good-looking (and knows it), charismatic, and a little bit nuts. Somehow the man is able to harvest all these traits and inject them directly into the wort of Dogfish Head brews, producing some of America’s most unique, imaginative, extreme, crazy-ass beers. All this is relevant because the Dogfish Head Brewery is sponsoring Beer Advocate’s 11th annual Extreme Beer Fest in a matter of days.

I have been to exactly one Extreme Beer Fest. (In my memory I was the only woman there, but that can’t be right…) It was there that I met and grazed the fingertips of the legendary Sam Calagione. As strange as some of his beers may be, I have always admired him because of just that, and also because he’s good-looking, as aforementioned. Also, he has an English degree like yours truly, and makes his living in beer, which is totally rad.

Now, when Mr. Calagione tenderly poured me a sample, filled it up to the lip and smiled as he expertly handed it off, I had a question for him. But despite my press pass and the hour or so of courage I’d been sampling, I couldn’t just ask it. Instead I fumbled the pass-off, stepped on the toes of a man behind me, and veered, beer-soaked, back into the fray of increasingly jovial beer extremists.

My question for Mr. C, then: Why? Continue reading →

Pink-Booted Brewsters and Other Reasons to Leave Brewing to the Gals

Posted on March 5, 2014 by Llalan

Thumbs up for Women In Beer!

Happy Women’s History Month, dudes and dudettes! Lift your beer to all the chicks in the world, ‘cause you know, you wouldn’t have a beer to lift it weren’t for us bitches!

Quick history lesson on why ladies are as awesome as beer: we started brewing the stuff back in ancient Egypt and Sumeria and continued to be the brewers up through colonial America, fermenting the grain while men cultivated and hunted and fought about one thing or another. (Dudes never have their priorities straight.)

But when the Industrial Revolution brought brewing into big business, men stuck their…fingers in the mix and look what happened: just a few brewers producing the majority of what’s drunk in America — and producing the majority of it poorly, I might add. Insult upon injury: women were then relegated to the ads, drinking piss-colored swill while in bikinis, playing beach volleyball, possibly the stupidest and most transparent excuse for men to cross their fingers and hope for a little glimpse of lady business that I’ve ever seen outside anime. Continue reading →

Beer, I Salute You!

Posted on February 19, 2014 by Llalan

Here’s to Ukraine!

There are days when writing about beer seems insanely frivolous. Days I feel idiotic for reporting on the subject of an intoxicating beverage, a means of escape and relaxation. Waxing rhapsodic about something as juvenile as a good buzz.

Today, Ukraine is dividing and a former heavyweight boxing champion now shoulders the responsibility of a movement to change the course of his country’s history. And in the US thousands still remain jobless. And within this house, we struggle to pay our heating bill.

I am fully aware that terrible things are happening every day in the world, and I’m not sure why I chose today to be bothered. It is February and dark and the weight of the world hangs heavy like the snow clouds above us.

So why give a rat’s ass about beer? Continue reading →

Challenges & Comforts: Preparing Your Fridge for a Snow Day

Posted on February 5, 2014 by Llalan

A rare beer angel. I highly recommend making one yourself using your own favorite brews!

This morning there is about five new inches of snow on the ground and a Level 2 Snow Emergency in effect, which means (and I’m paraphrasing): don’t go out on the snowy roads and get so badly stuck the city has to tow you out, you bung hole! So here I am at home today. I checked our supplies, starting with what’s in the fridge. Turns out I have twelve different kinds of beer in there. This pleases me to no end. (I tell Ben and we do a fist bump.) Here’s some of what’s in my fridge and why they’re the perfect beers to be in my snow day collection:

The Brand New

Careful! That branch could fall into the river at any moment!

Careful, lady! That branch could break at any moment!

The Ophelia Hoppy Wheat Ale is Breckenridge Brewery’s newest seasonal beer. It is supposed to be hoppy and wheat-y, although the brewery’s copy also describes it as “The quintessential good girl gone mad,” which I don’t really get. Maybe in the end it was a hops allergy that turned poor Ophelia loony. Or maybe she drank herself silly waiting for that whiny Hamlet. “Get thee to a nunnery” my ass, buddy. Anyway, snow days are an excellent time to try beers you haven’t experienced yet, especially those named after a crazy Dane who knew what a truly rough winter was.

Their slogan is “Normal Is Weird,” which I appreciate.

Also new-to-me is Flying Monkey’s Smashbomb Atomic IPA from Ontario, Canada. This brewery has only recently started distributing in Ohio, whose citizens suck down over 30 gallons of beer a year, according to the Beer Institute (whatever that is — Fox News used it as “research,” too, and it appeared in an article next to one about the unhealthiest hot Starbucks drinks, because if it’s not running on a ticker beneath O’Reilly’s getting-longer nose we won’t know how bad hot chocolate is). I’m sure my household assures Ohio’s average is over the 30-gallon mark, especially with all this affordable pinko Canadian terrorist beer. Continue reading →

Warm Beer & Other British Customs I’m Adopting

Posted on January 22, 2014 by Llalan

After paying a heating bill that cleaned out my bank account, I was certifiably in need of a beer. However, the heating bill was high because it’s a booger-freezing 6-degrees outside and the thought of wrapping my hands around a chill pint of pale ale gave me the shivers. And then, because my memory is sorted alphabetically by beer, I remembered going to a convention of “real ale” brewers near Boston in early spring one year. NERAX (New England Real Ale eXhibition) promotes the drinking of “real ale,” an attribute of which is its warmer-than-average-US-beer temperature. And I can assure you, I was a warmer-than-average-Boston-spring-evening temperature on my walk home that night.

NERAX is sort of like the New England version of the perhaps more infamous group, CAMRA. CAMRA, or Campaign for Real Ale, is a British organization (or organisation, if you will) founded in 1971 to “campaign for real ale, pubs, and drinkers’ rights.” They formed as a reaction to the big beer companies mass-producing weak, bland beer. They advocate real ale and community-based pubs and they use language like “traditional,” “social cohesion,” and “under threat,” in their literature, making them sound wee bit like an alcoholic IRA. (Let’s keep that joke inside your head.) Continue reading →

Top 10 Beers of 2013

Posted on January 8, 2014 by Llalan

I can’t remember a damned thing if I don’t put it on a list: where to be, what to do, and what to drink while do it. Even then I forget where I’ve set my drink halfway though. As such, I am a fan of the proliferation of end-of-the-year lists around New Year’s, and offer you one of my own: Llalan’s Top 10 Beers of 2013.

10. Celebration Ale. I do the Dance of Joy every November when this beer is released. It was on last year’s list as well, and this beer will likely be on every end-of-the-year list as long as Sierra Nevada continues to produce it. It is one of the few nutmeg- and cinnamon-less winter seasonals out there. You can bet there is always some in my fridge during the holidays. Don’t bet on me sharing it, though.

9. Burton Baton. Because Dogfish Head’s 60-minute IPA is another perennial (and inspirational) favorite in my home, I want to feature one of their other, lesser-known brews. The delicious concoction (also mentioned this Thanksgiving) is actually a combination of an imperial IPA and an English-style old ale, aged together in an oak tank. Like nothing I’ve ever had and like everything I’ve always wanted.

8. Lucky 13. Lagunitas first brewed this beer in 2008 to celebrate 13 years of brewing and brought it back last year to celebrate 20 years of putting out fantastic beers. It’s a big red that has that delicious something peculiar to Lagunitas. In the end, we’re the lucky ones.

7. Righteous Ale. I am a huge fan of rye beer; insert bitter joke here: ______. The Sixpoint take on rye beer is definitely one of my favorites, in part because it does not coat your mouth with that potent and unpleasant aftertaste most ryes have. It is unique in its adaptability to the weather, in that it will warm you in the winter and quench you in the summer. Continue reading →

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