Can someone get this man a towel?

When I was 25 my roommate and I concocted an elaborate drinking game to play while watching John Cusack’s High Fidelity. Every time a top five list was created: drink; every time Rob got rained on: drink; and most importantly, every time Rob unearthed some greater life truth: drink.

By the end of the movie we both had empty wine bottles in our hands and felt wise in a way you only can when you’re drunk, 25, and just watched a John Cusack movie with your best friend. Turns out we may have been a little over-ambitious in our rules, like, maybe Rob’s line about the sad cottony reality behind women’s choice of day-to-day undergarments shouldn’t have counted as a greater life truth. If I were to do this all over again, I’d definitely do things differently. First, I would have beer, instead.

Llalan’s top five movie/beer combinations:

And don't try to tell me this isn't horror: it's effing scary!

1. Horror (The Shining)
My gut reaction with this is stout, and everyone knows you must go with your gut reactions in horror movies; if you over think it or are black, you’re dead. Drinking a stout gives you something to hold on to, something heavy, solid, both a companion and something that could be easily used as a weapon. For The Shining, I’d go with a Russian Imperial like North Coast Brewing’s Old Rasputin, which’ll have you spinning spells by scene in the hedgerow maze.

"It's just a flesh wound!"

2. Comedy (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
After quoting a particularly obscure line from this movie the other day, my brother-in-law looked at me blankly: “What? You mean you don’t have that whole movie running through your head all the time?” I answered, “Ni!” With almost any comedy film, I’d go with a rye beer, for perhaps obvious reasons. The bite of this style should perfectly echo the bite of any good comedy. Though there is, in fact, a Holy Grail ale, I’d go with Red’s Ruthless Rye from Founders.

Like MacGyver without the hair!

3. Action (Die Hard)

I’ve never been a huge action movie fan,but I was recently introduced to the Die Hard series, the everyday wonderman that is Bruce Willis, and the art of smack talk. Pre-Die Hard I would have been a snob and drunk bourbon during an action flick, but now what I think is really most apt are solid pilsners. Like good action movies, good pilsners — to my taste — are hard to find. I’m not here to vilipend either genre, but rather to offer each as a counterpoint to the other [adjusts monocle]. Furthermore, I believe the light mouthfeel of a balanced lager well suits the ponderousness of heavy bloodshed. For a John McClane film, Brooklyn Pilsner, all the way.

"Too much to drink I've had."

4. Sci-Fi (Star Wars)
Just imagine how many taps you’d have to have at the Mos Eisley Cantina to keep all those various vagabonding aliens satisfied. I struggle with sci-fi because I find it often the worlds (or our future) unnecessarily complex. When I am straining with every word to make sure the plot doesn’t jettison out from under me on a hoverplane, I want something simple in my glass; something familiar. For me, this would be an IPA; for others it could be whatever is your comfort beer. But when Star Wars comes on Thanksgiving afternoon and I am dodging family, I prefer to have a Great Lakes Commodore Perry in my hand, or perhaps a Dogfish Head 60 Minute.

"I'd shit twice and die."

5. Romantic Comedies (Sixteen Candles)
Truth be told, I don’t watch many rom coms made after 1993’s Sleepless in Seattle and really prefer mine from the early 80s. As a highschooler I inexplicably loved My Best Friend’s Wedding, which I made the mistake of rewatching as an adult, resulting in today’s beer choice for the genre: a bitter. Bitters are bitter. They are dry, not at all sweet, and terrifically refreshing. If you find yourself inescapably trapped into watching something with J-Lo, grab a bitter to counteract the saccharine plot and bumbling dialog. I happen to love Sixteen Candles, but would still rock a Redhook ESB in honor of the sneer Samantha sports for most of the film.

Top five drinking games? Some other time.